Pigs In Space : The Journey to Kepler-22B

Planet Kepler-22b

I’ve just heard from the news that NASA has just discovered a new habitable planet very similar to Earth but bigger and has a mall-like environment meaning it’s surrounding temperature is as cool as the airconditioned SM Megamall or the Ayala Malls.

This is good news because it could be another great place to hang out during summer, and if we decide to move to that planet, then we would definitely save on electricity cost because there’s no need to have our houses or business establishments airconditioned.

They called the new planet the Kepler-22b, since it was discovered by their Kepler spacecraft. The name Kepler originated from Johaness Kepler, a German mathematician,astronomer and astrologer. A key figure in the 17th century scientific revolution, who was best known for his eponymous laws of planetary motion, codified by later astronomers, based on his works Astronomia nova, Harmonices Mundi, and Epitome of Copernican Astronomy. These works also provided one of the foundations for Isaac Newton’s theory of universal gravitation.

Finally, a viable alternativ­e to our planet Earth. We should all start making lists of people who should not be allowed to remain in our planet and have a big send off party before shipping them off to Kepler-22b­. I’ll get it started by nominating Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, or is she still going to complain about being under “planet arrest”?

Space Flight Passenger List

I have a priority VIP list of whom I would like to be sent to the new planet, along with Gloria Macapagal Arroyo and her entire family, not in any particular order:

  1. Renato Corona – The alleged midnight appointee Supreme Court Chief Justice who continues to boggle us with his kangaroo court’s, as one blogger would put it,  “transgressions”. He may not be retaliating violently against the tirades of Aquino similar to how Annabelle Rama went ballistic against Nadia Montenegro, but Corona’s continued silence could mean further surprising and bewildering court rulings.
  2. Miriam Defensor Santiago – The senator who said she felt grief-stricken and wanted to slash her wrists when DOJ Secretary Laila De Lima defied the court TRO. She also once said she would jump out of a plane but later said “I lied”….maybe now when she rides the rocketship, we would allow her to eject herself out into space and finally commit suicide.
  3. Elena Bautista Horn – As Arroyo’s chief of staff and “intelligence agent”, she would not want to be left behind, as an angry mob back here on Earth would definitely lock her up in a straightjacket due to her lunatic expose of an operation” Put The Little Girl To Sleep” which she claims as an Aquino administration assassination plot against her boss. This conspiracy theory was allegedly hatched when the Arroyo camp ran out of rare diseases and legal remedies to keep Arroyo confined in a hospital and prevent her from being transferred and locked up in a government detention cell.
  4. Merceditas Gutierrez – Who would forget the ever loyal and faithful Arroyo Administration appointed Ombudsman who resigned due to a looming impeachment case against her. She said she did not do any wrong when she allegedly intentionally delayed all of the cases filed against Arroyo and her known allies in the former Administration. It’s just a pity she did not followed Angelo Reyes’ example of taking her own life by gunshot. It would have been more merciful.
  5. Atty Oliver Lozano – He was always the first one to file an impeachment case against Arroyo starting from 2005 up to 2008. All his filed impeachment cases were defeated principally due to technical deficiency rather than on merit. All the other complaints were dismissed for insufficiency in substance. Many says he intentionally filed weak impeachment cases on purpose so as to prevent others to file a stronger case against Arroyo.
  6. Raul Gonzales – former DOJ Secretary of Arroyo who was later replaced by Agnes Devanadera. He was always infront of the news camera being impolite, discourteous, and obviously too biased to be representing the Justice department. As Prof. Jose Maria Sison once put it. “Gonzales is an irresponsible and unjust man. No wonder that he was once sanctioned by the Supreme Court for his bad behavior. The only excuse that can be made for Gonzales in the present case is that he suffers from irrationality due to acute senility.”
  7. Benjamin Abalos – former COMELEC chairman who was rumored to have brokered for the National Broadband Network project where he got an advance payment from a Chinese firm ZTE Corporation. Abalos was also mentioned in the “Hello Garci” tape, which refers to the alleged wiretapped conversations where vote rigging in the 2004 elections was discussed by, among others, a woman presumed to be Arroyo and a man presumed to be Comelec Commissioner Virgilio Garcillano. The vote rigging in the elections may have caused Arroyo to win instead of his opponent, Fernando Poe Jr.
  8. Zaldy Ampatuan –  was the governor of the Autonomous Region in Muslim Mindanao until his expulsion in 2009. Zaldy was expelled from office when his brother, Andal Ampatuan Jr., along with the other Ampatuan clan and their private armies, were accused of carrying out the gruesome Maguindanao massacre of 2009 which killed several journalists. He later wanted to apply as a state witness, but the government refused his offer citing the fact that he is not the least guilty among all the accused and that he continues to deny his participation in the massacre.
  9. Jovito Palparan –  Alleged mastermind of extra judicial killings of militants. He has been dubbed as “The Butcher” by several organizations who claims he played a role in the alleged extrajudicial abductions and killings of government critics during his military service. A probe by the Philippine Commission on Human Rights has also found that there are circumstantial evidences linking Palparan to the killings. However, he continues to remain free as the Arroyo government had not been very keen on subjecting Palparan to a watchful eye but instead praised and promoted the former General to positions in government. He is currently a party list representative.
  10. Chavit Singson – Governor of Ilocos Sur, Singson was known to have started EDSA II, when he, exposing information as a state witness, alleged to have given former President Joseph Estrada Php 400 million as payoff from illegal gambling profits. He accused Estrada as the “Lord of All Jueteng Lords” for receiving 5 million pesos protection money from jueteng every month during his term of presidency. He also accused Estrada of receiving kickbacks from 170 million pesos excise tobacco tax. All of these coming from a supposed to be close friend and gambling/drinking buddy of Estrada.

There are actually more on the list but it would take forever If I would list them all down….

The people on this list were among the first personalities that I could recall that had truly irked me at the time they were being very actively reported in the news. Their arrogance and disrespect towards others is truly shameful and disappointing.

Of Cryogenics and Masturbation

We also have a choice to instead leave this planet, and let the scumbags stay and continue to ruin Earth’s environment or eco-system. But who would have the final say on who stays and who would remain? Are we going to have another election for this?

However, its 600 light years from Earth, or roughly 200 million miles away and we are already excited about it?

Travelling there isn’t gonna happen anytime soon. This ain’t Star Trek, you know.

Even if we miraculously were able to build a machine that’s as fast as the speed of light (the maximum speed possible), it’s still gonna take us several years, way past beyond our human life existence,  just to get there.

Do we freeze ourselves to survive the travel? Studies show that the male testicles would shrink and compress from extreme cold which may result to infertility, so we may not be able to repopulate once we finally arrive at the new planet.

Cryogenically frozen sperms as a solution? That would mean every guy on earth would have to masturbate and collect a large number of their sperm samples prior to the trip to Kepler-22b if they want to have offsprings. That would also mean a lot of strained hands and inflamed penises for the single and unattached guys.

The reality is, we humans are not yet going anywhere. It’s good to be deluding ourselves, though. It makes us feel better and smart. Yet, as of the moment, at least in our lifetime, we are going to suffer the same fate as all the other organisms before us – copulate, reproduce and go extinct when time comes.

Pacman Nebula 

Also in the space news, is a nebula known as NGC 281 in the constellation of Cassiopeia. Lately, it was given the nickname “Pacman”, not after our pound for pound boxing king Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao who recently celebrated another win against mexican Juan Manuel Marquez, but after the famous Pacman video game of the 1980s. The nebula cloud was said to appear like it was chomping through the cosmos.

When Pacquiao first heard about this “Pacman” nebula, he thought it was really named after him. Apparently, he also applied at NASA for the opportunity to name one of the stars or planets in the solar system after him, just as he applied for his commissionship to a Lieutenant Colonel appointment at the Philippine Army. He said that he is positive that after he defeats Floyd Mayweather sometime next year, NASA may reconsider renaming at least one of the Earth’s moon after him.

Check and Balance or  Check UnBalanced or Chick In Balance

The Earth’s population just recently turned 6 billion a few months ago. Noone knows the accurate statistics, but is the planet overcrowded already that we need to look for an additional home planet? Or are we looking into new habitable planets primarily because we just can’t get along with each other anymore?

We can clearly see that the Executive branch of our government could not get along with the Judiciary. Do they need to separate ways already or could someone still mediate between the two? However, don’t let the Catholic Church mediate between the Aquino administration and Corona’s court. The exchange there might be the shelving of the Reproductive Health (RH) Bill.

Though the three main branches of the government should be working together, it should not necessarily be in harmony, because there should remain a form of check and balance.  Each must independently stand on its own without any prejudice and coercion from each other. But with how things are going, does it really seem that the highest court of the land is greatly favoring Arroyo’s  interest and not of the country’s? Apparently the justice scale has a “chick” in one side putting on a heavy weight on the Justices, and the much needed Check and Balance is now totally unbalanced due to influential patrons.

But perhaps our country’s leaders should stop thinking “branches” already and just concentrate on saving the whole tree desperately struggling in the forest.

Winston Churchill once said that we create our own Universe as we go along in this life of ours. Our every action and reaction creates ripples in time and space in somewhat astronomical proportions that ultimately creates or defines our own realities and existense. Our bright astronomers will undoubtedly continue to discover new universes and celestial objects in outer space, but for the meantime let us make do of the Earth that we have.

Also remember that when we can’t piece together the puzzle of our own lives, remember the best view of a puzzle is from above. Let Him help you arrange the pieces of your puzzle, and eventually you will have a clearer picture of your life. Let Him help put you together.

Last Note / Huling Hirit:

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. – Henry David Thoreau


Advance Merry Christmas..

Maayong Buntag. May’ong Aga. Marhay na Aga. Buenas Dias Magandang Umaga. Good Morning tweeps and Hello Philippines. Thank you Lord I can write. Thank you Lord I’m alive!

The holidays are almost here! What have you done that’s naughty, and what have you done that’s nice?

Link to President Noynoy Aquino’s Speech at the First National Criminal Justice Summit:


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