Chokoleit Wits Part 4

CHOKEY KA BA?

Chokoleit also has a list of his own versions of the popular question and answer pick-up lines:

“BOY: sampalok ka ba? MADAM URING: bakit, may asim pa ako? BOY: ka-korte ng katawan mo, at sa tigang mong yan, masarap ka isahog sa sinigang!”

“Traffic light ka ba, kase napapa-STOP ako at nag-aantay kelan ka READY at kelan ako GO! Kahit Bawal Tumawid gawin mo, kase Nakamamatay Dito!”

“Ketchup ka ba? Kase ikaw lang hinahanap para hotdog ko sumarap.” -➣ Lumang Kolboy ☹☺”

“Eskwelahan ka ba, kase gusto kitang pasukan ng pasukan. Kasimpogi Gerald, perfect attendance agad! Kafez ni Bentong, suspended buong taon.☺☹”

“Chokey kahoy ka ba, kase ansarap mo sibakin…sa mukha!” Ganun ba, empleyado ka diba, mas masaya kung sa trabaho mo, sibakin ka sana,tseh!☺”

LOVE TEAMS

We’ve heard of KIMERALD, MELASON, DONGYAN, etc, which are coined or combined names for the Philippines’ phenomenal loveteam on and off screen. Chokoleit has his own ideas of coined names involving him and his possible love team partner:

“Grabe pa rin suporta ng KIMERALD globally. Kaya tuloy di makasingit ang CHOKIRALD namin eh! Andyan pa movie nila Popstar Sarah G Hmmp! Grrr!”

“Kay Angeline Q na punta si Coco, naantala na naman ang launching ng COCOLEIT! Wala na ‘to. JOVIT at MARCELITO na mga pagpipilian ko. Grrr!”

“Team JOVILEIT or Team CHOKOLITO? Ewaaan ko sa inyooooo! Hmmmp!!!”

“Team CHOKOVIT or Team MARCELEIT? Ewaaaaan pa riiin!!”

“Anong DAGULEIT? DAGUKAN ko kayo diyan eh! Hmmp!”

“Kung CHOKOVIT parang tetrapack lang. Ang MARCELEIT, parang nilalagay sa kuko pagtapos ng manicure? Pag surrre mo oiii!”

“At may nagmagandang loob nag-suugest na pili daw ako ng isa sa MAASINHON TRIO? TSOKOLATENG MAY ASIN? Loveteam na may sakit sa bato? Tseeh!”

“AY ito da hayt na, anong kami na lang ni Vice Ganda? VICELEIT? Ano shampoo o lotion? Mas di naman kakayanin kung CHOKOGANDA? Mga Baliiiw!”

“Anong POOHKOLEIT ? Basta ikaw mabubukulan? W? Ryan Bang, CHOKOBANG? ECHOLEIT? Ano kinalaman namin sa ECOSYSTEM? Tseeeh !”

“With GERALD dapat GELEIT, ano pang-ahit? With ENRIQU, QUELIET? wag maingay Keep QUELEIT! With PIOLO, CHOKOLIO? tadyakan kaya kita jan! Hmmp!”

“Enough. or else makipag loveteam ako kay GAB V par GALEIT na GALEIT na ako! Grrr!”

“W/ ROBI, ROLEIT, Roleta? W/JERICHO, CHOECHO,tiyuhin? W/ MARTIN, CHOKOTIN, gamot? W/JAKE, JAKELEIT, chewing gum? BUGOY, CHOGOY? asan saging?”

“Pag kami ni ENCHONG, ayaw nyo ng ENCHOK gusto nyo ng CHOKCHONG? Ano, lalasingin nyo ko? Oh di gawin na nating DEELEIT, para tabla-tabla na!”

NEW TWITTER TWEEPS

When Jason Gainza, Pooh and Jason Francisco joined the Twitter world, he welcomed them with these sorta like “blind-item” tweets:

“Ayon sa nakalap na huling kaganapan sa twitterazzi, galing sa mga twitmosang amuyong, may dalawang komikerong bagong salta sa twitterverse!☻”

“Una, isa siyang TAkUSA, dyutay ang nota, sa liit, mahirap ma-sayt aling ba jitlog nya, itago natin sa username na @imjaysongainzaLOL! ☻☺”

“Ikalawa, nagdalawang isip sa twitter noon. Akala ko ayaw ma-stress. Kinumbinsi ko, ask nya, “magkano ba per tweet? Si Nardong@pooh_tik ba?☻”

“May bonus pang isa, Melai nyo naman,mag work! ang username nya ay lovey ng prinsesa ng masa, siya’y si @sweetJasonF mismo! ☻”

“O di ba, ang saya saya noh? Here in twitter, The more, the many-yer! ☻☺☻☺☻☺”

TRANSLATIONS 101

He should write a Big Book of Facts because he invented his own set of translations, acronyms, terminologies and other sayings

“Translation: Inasal- bacolod’s famous chicken. In tagalog- di magandang pag-uugali. ☺☹”

“Translation101: De poga- a hiligaynon vernacular expression of disgust In tagalog- preso na tatakas. ☺☹”

“Translation101: tuod- totoo/true in hiligaynon in tagalog- di gumagalaw.☺☹”

“Translation101: lakat- to walk in hiligaynon in tagalog- aninag/halata as in felix lakat.☺☹”

 

ACRONYMS

“(T)weet (W)ith (I)ntegrity, (T)o (T)hen (E)arn ( R)espect. for that is T/W./I/T/T/E/R is all about. ☺♡☑”

“Accidentally pounded a wrong key. Sleepyhead. Ignore previous tweet about that SPAM (Stupid Advertisement Appearing Messages) ☹”

“Too much PDA (Public Display of Affection) will make into a (PDA) Pair of Disgusting Attention-seekers.☹♡☹”

“When clueless, say WTF!?! What’s That For? When hungry, shout WTF!?! Where’s The Foood!?!? When there’s none, Walang Tirang Fagkain!!! ☺☹”

“Later, we’ll dine outside and buy my niece her ‘things a girl want’, as promised. Meanwhile, food is ready, I’m STD (Starving To Death)☻”

“Wonderful And Totally Energizing Refreshment is what WATER stands for.☻✔”

“Don’t forget to always KISS, ❥ Keep It Simple, Sweetie! ☻”

“F.A.I.L. is your First Attempt In Learning.☺✔ Next F.A.I.L is you Forgot to Apply Its Lesson. ☹✘”

“CHILL so ABC! ➤ Calm Helps Individuals Live Longer, so Always Be Cool! ☻✔”

“I wish R.I.P. means Return If Possible for friends who are dear to us. And for those not, the real meaning is just as fine. Charoooot! ☺☹”

“While ABCDEFG ➤ A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl, then GFEDCBA ➤ Girl Forgets Everything Done & Catches Boy Again. ☺♡☹”

“ABCDEFGHIJK ➤ A Boy Can Do Everything For GAYs…He Is Just Kidding!☹☺ L☻L’est!”

“A F.R.I.E.N.D. can be Fully Reliable In Each New Difficulty or Few Retards I Entertain Night & Day….which one are you? ☺☆☹”

“As (J.O.Y.) Jesus Overshadows You, and (G.O.D.) God Our Defender, we are all blessed for (G.L.E.E.) God Loves Everyone Equally. ❤”

“These are my (T.W.I.T.T.E.R.), “Thoughts Which I Think They Enjoy Reading”. ☻❤”

“When (LOVE), Lots Of Violent Emotions, then (HOPE), Hold On, Pain Ends. ☹♡…☺”

“Ano ba daw ang WW TT? ah,eh, kuwan po, ang huling alam ko World Weather Tropical Thunderstorm…Im not so sure though baka pinalitan na.☺☹”

“WWTT? Pag binigkas, Double You Double You Tee Tee…Ah alam ko na, Ari ito ng Lalaking Kambal! Charoooooot!NaEngooot! ☺☹”

“Sa gustong magpaka-GGSS (Gaga-Gagahan ng Slayt Samtayms) mamayang gabi, @PunchlineManila ako matatagpuan kasama din mga di kagandahan.L☺L!”

“Ikaw ang Pag IBIG na!- IKAW BANGKO INDUSTRIYA AT GOBYERNO Ay Pag-Ibig Funds pala un. Ibig ko sabihin, Ikaw Ay Pag Ibig na po. #IkawAyPagIbig”

“SARAH G is ASAP! as in Awesome Sarah, A Popstar! ★”

TWITTER TERMINOLOGIES

Twiticissms – witty tweets. ☺☆

Twitterer- twitter user ▲Tweaser- a teaser ▲ Twitterfly- a socialite twitterer ▲Twitterholic- addicted to twitter ▲ Twitsomnia- tweetsleeps

Twaiting – twittering while waiting ▲Twaffic – twitter traffic ▲ Tweekend – spending entire weekend on twitter ▲Twead – to read a twitter.

Twittertude- bad attitude ▲Twittilate- arousing tweets ▲ Twitterific- nice tweet ▲ Tweetastic- something wonderful Tweetsult- insult tweet

Twitterpated – overwhelmed with messages ▲Twitterphoria – very elated when replied/followed ▲ Twitterrhea – sending too many tweets ▲

Twebay – To offer something for sale via Twitter▲Twaigslist – To sell something via Twitter▲Twitosphere – Community of Twitterers

Twexplanation – tweet explaination ▲Twibute — to pay tribute▲ Twitosphere – community of twitterers ▲Twired – tired from twittering

Twitterlooing – twittering in a bathroom▲Twixt – can’t decide who to tweet.▲Tweetheart – special someone who makes your heart skip a beat.❤

Tweetik- di maiisahan sa salapi ▲ Tweetmosa- nagkalat ng kwentong walang pruweba▲Tweeti-nagpapa-booking ▲ Tweekla- naghahanap ng booking ☺☹

Tweegyawat – Chokoleit ▲ Tweekbalang – Vice Ganda ▲ Tweempanzee – Pooh ▲ Tweegang na Tweegang – Pokwang Tweelol!

It’s lunchtime! Until our next Twittionary Twitter Terms, class dismissed.☺☆

 

OTHER CHOKOLEIT TWEETS

Ang magdildil ng asin ay matitiis ko, wag lang itlog na maalat ni Topacio. ☺☹

Matutong maghigpit ng sinturon, kung kay Kuya ang pantalon. ☺☹

Magbiro ka sa lasing, pagkagising. Huwag pag bagong tulog. Ugok. ☺☹

Kapag maiksi ang kumot, malamang tuwalya yan. ☺☹

Try and try until you want to try another one. ☺☹

NO ID, NO Entry is better than Free Entrance, NO Exit.☺☹

It’s better to cheat than to repeat. Even History repeats itself. ☺ ✐ ☹

Better late than later. And even better late than pregnant. Period. ☺☹

Kapag ang puno ay mabunga, pitasin na at ng may maibenta.☺☹

“Ako ang nagsaing, iba ang kumain”. ➣ Kusinera ✪

Bato bato sa langit ang tinamaan, nagpupuslit na adik. ☺☹

Ang buhay ay parang gulong . Minsan nasa taas, minsan nasa baba, minsan nasa bubong ng bahay. ☺☹

Hindi lahat ng nakikita mo na kumikinang-kinang ay Ginto, minsan Muta yan, kung kagigising mo lang. ♢♢☹

FINAL NOTE/HULING HIRIT:

“Dahil sa mga nangyari sa mga nagdaang Presidente ng Pilipinas, Marcos, Erap at GMA, gusto ng mga bata ay maging BISE-PRESIDENTE na lang sila”

“At ako ay nagmamadali ng gumayak, para maghatid ng sangkatutak na halakhak na paaak na paaak! ☺☻”

“Naku, ganda-ganda ko na sana noon, kung di lang naging chaka ngayon! Bwahahahaha! Ayan masaya na kayo. Wag ng dumagdag baka ikaw pa mabawas!”

“Wag padaig sa kalungkutan, mabisang paraan ang kami puntahan ng maangihan ng hitik na halakhakan.☺”

“It takes one to know one. It takes two to tango. Three is a crowd. Four seasons. Fifth element. Sixth sense. Seven Dwarfs. Eigth is enough!☺”

“Ano kaya yun? Waleeeeyyy!!! Hanassshii Sineseeeyyyyy! Bwahahahhaha! Makapag-ayos na nga! Hmmp! ☻☺”

“Okey na. Quota na. Wag ng overkill. Yang mga suggestions nyo sa inyo na yan. Itago nyo baka may pa-joke time sa xmas party, kayo magwawagi!☺”

 

“Hello Philippines, Hello World! Hello Dolly, Hello Kitty, Tie a Hello Ribbon in a Hello Submarine! Twitizens of the Earth, Good Evening! ☾☆

Others tweet about their pain and suffering, their hatred for a former colleague, their angst towards a disillusioned lover, their disappointment towards the government, and a whole lot of other saddening situation and events…..It is nice to know that there are still some people who take time to uplift our depressed spirits in ways  a lot closer to our hearts.

To laugh and be merry despite of all the drawbacks  and lost opportunities.

To enjoy life despite of all the troubles and anxieties.

To look at the humorous side of things despite of several tragedies that befall us.

Truly laughter is the best medicine.

Thank you, Chokoleit…. for sharing us your humor.

“To show sympathy doesn’t mean depriving others of merriment. For no sane mind would’ve wanted it to happen. Empathy can be felt in other ways.” – Chokoleit

Gusto nyo pa ng Part 5? LOL

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