Chokoleit Wits

EVERYTHING ABOUT CHOKOLEIT

I am perfectly imperfect.., forthright in my flaws.., sure of my insecurities. Absolute chaos. A beautiful disaster.

That is how Chokoleit describes himself in his Twitter profile.

Chokoleit, or Jonathan Aguilar Garcia in real life, is a TV and movie comedian actor, and stage comic who frequently performs at comedy bars and occasional guest appearances in several types of shows as what he once tweeted “rumaket na magpapatuloy pa mula pasko, town anniv, foundation day, patron fiesta, house blessing, binyag. kasal, kumpil, tuli atbp☺.”

I’ve been following a lot of personalities in Twitter, but his tweets are something to watch out for because they are definitely hilarious. Well, at least for my “eccentric” taste.

While the other stars tweet about what they are eating, the stuff they are buying, the places they are in or have been, the personalities they are seeing, etc., our Chokoleit also takes time to share with his followers a lot of inspirational sayings,words of wisdoms and plenty of his humorous insights on current events.

“Mababaw mang sabihin ang taste ko sa larangan ng komedya,
hindi ko ikakahiya na ako ay kanya talagang napapatawa
everytime na aking mababasa, mga tweets niya na ubod ng kaloka
hahalakhak ng todo-todo, at mapagkakamalang luka-luka”

He describes his tweets as “……. just my thoughts, not necessarily what I’m going through. Just sharing it to all of you, who knows it might help a thing or two.” (They are) Inspirational Showbiz, Satirical, Trends, Anecdotes, Novelty, Places & Fantasies. Life in General. My thoughts in balance, tweeted randomly”

And he goes on defining Twitter as his online chapel:

“Twitter is my chapel, online. Whenever I pray, it’s like an echo that resonates and followed by others, then altogether we pray, AMEN.”

He says it makes him smile when deluged with positive replies, and that it feels like he is applauded whenever someone retweets his tweets saying “it is a validation of sort to one’s appreciation in the way we touch people’s lives”.

He then goes on tweeting: “Tweeting makes my mind awake. Tweeting makes me sleep. Tweeting makes me think a lot of twittable things. Wala na ‘to…., pa-IBON na ako.”

He definitely is a big fan of Twitter “Beside me in my bed is my ipad, cellphone and lappy. Ang nakatulugan yun din kaharap pagkagising. Nakapagtataka ba Kondesa nga ng Twitteria.” He even calls himself “a Twitaholic”.

THANKING TWITTER

“Twitter stimulates the brain. Wii flexes the extremities. These are my indoor exercise for a sound body and mind. In short, tamad mag-gym!☺☹”

“I’d like to thank God for the talent, twitter for the chance to share my other side, & all those who took a bite and appreciated my kind.♥♥♥”

He would always begin the day with a delightful tweet  complete with emoticons like:

“Magandang umaga humuhuning twitmosang ibon, mga pipit, myna, parrot o adarna, may laya kang chumika na na aayon sa batas ng twitteria! ☼☺ ♡”

“Magandang Umaga mga maagang ibon gising na ngayon dito sa Kaharian ng Twitteria. Malugod kayong binabati ng Kondesa ng Ngaraga Bampiresa.☼☺♕”

“At nagising na sa kanyang pagkahimbing ang kondesang bading, nagbibigay pugay sa mga twitmosang ibon ng twitteria ng magandang hapon.☺☼♡”

And then to end the day he would tweet with something equally out of this world crazy:

“maSayabadong umaga sa inyong mga ibon ng twitteria…hihimbing na ang kondesa ng ngarag-na. Sweetsleep, beautiful dreamzzzZZZ!☺”

“Keep safe & dry, mga sinampay Inday. Be careful tulak kita you might fall. Take Care, Buy one Take One Ingat baka madukutan. Babu! L☻L_zzZZz”

“Total Eklips of the Eyes by Bonnie Borlog muna ang Kondesa ng Ngaraga ng Twitteria.☺”

 

THE LOOKS THAT EARNED HIM FAME AND FORTUNE?

He is comfortable on making fun of himself. He said he smiles whenever he makes people laugh about his looks. According to him, one must have the guts to be comfortable in making fun of yourself where most people won’t dare go. “Mas mabuti ng laitin ang sarili mo, marami pang matutuwa at kagigiliwan ka. Pag magmamaganda ka, lahat mabubwisit sayo, baka isumpa ka pa!☺☹”

He said it takes talent, and it is a gift to share, to be able to do that. “Talent & beauty doesn’t differ in reality. If beauty can be enhanced, talent cannot be done. A natural beauty & a God-given talent are gifts”.

He said some look at unpleasing looks as a liability, but it’s where he found his true worth, an asset he values. “When you looked at yourself & what you see is not pleasing, (it) doesn’t mean it’s of no use. Find the greater purpose of what you are supposed (to be). ♥”

Let us take a look at some of his tweets making fun of his physical imperfections:

“Kasalukuyang nagtatanggal ng make-up at sabay na dinadasalan na sana mabura na buong mukha ng makapagsimula naman ako ng panibago. LOL!☻”

“Naku, mag-iisang sakong bulak na nagamit ko, ang matindi ang kapit ng dumi sa mukha ko. Wala na, mantsa na talaga ‘to.Grrr! Hmmp! Nyahaha!☺☹”

“Ilang beses ko tinangkang isangla ang mukhang ‘to, ayaw tanggapin. May kalawang daw at basag2 ang diamante. Huh Pepeke-en paba karat ko?L☻L!”

“Hirap na hirap nga Derma sa akin. Kakaiba ako sa mga pasyente nya. Kung lahat nagpapatanggal ng pimples nila, ako nagpapadagdag pa! L☻L!”

“The only difference between Dimples Romana and me is one letter from D to P. My name is Pimples Rotonda, Welcome Espanyaaaaaaa!!! Tseh! Hmp!”

“Lamang pa rin ako dahil ang bakas ng pimples ko nagmukhang kalat-kalat na dimples. Eh si Dimples, may pimples ba? wala!! Buti nga! Hmp! Tseh!”

He says it’s his way of uplifting himself: “On the contrary, Ito paraan ko na itinataas ang sarili. Kahit paglaruan ko hitsura ko keri lang, di naman yun bentahe ko. PARTIDA na yan!L☻L”

And finally he would say he owe everything to his “looks”: “Mahal ko mga bakas ng tigyawat ko. Utang na loob ko sa kanila ang ano mang naipundar at naipon ko at kikitain para sa kinabukasan nila! Beh!”

 

TRIVIA GAME WHILE CAUGHT IN TRAFFIC

Believe it or not, he also takes time to think about rewarding his many fans and followers: “Iniisip ko ano kaya pam twitter give aways pamaskong handog ko sa inyo…fansign na lang via electronic raffle or pwede, prayers para sure?”

One time when he was caught in traffic, he decided to send a series of funny trivia game tweets to pass the time:

“Mag-uumina-anne curtis trivia peg ako: What is the exact perpendicular measurement of zizgag road going to Baguio in square centimeters?☺”

“First to tweet the correct answer gets a 3 nights free accomodation for 2 at Camp John Hay only at the lobby area.☺”

“2nd question: there are 8 birds on the tree top. 3 of them flew. How many were left and name them all in chronological order of birds flu.☺”

“The prize for the 2nd question is 30thou pesos! Worth of funeral services w/ outing pagkatapos ng libing. Consumable Non transferable. ☺”

“Bat walang sumasagot 2nd question? Di bale, isasama na lang prize sa 1st question at so far, 3 na tama. Random raffle. Sino nabunot, lagot!☺”

“3rd question: if you’re given a chance of a lifetime, how much is its otal equivalent amount if converted to cash in the peruvian currency?☺”

“The 3rd question’s prize is the amount itself if answered correctly up to its decimal point in single centavo.☺”

“Helloow?! Pang-mayaman kaya mga prizes ko noh!! 4th question: How many vehicles currently in edsa from balintawak to guadalupe only?☺”

“4th question’s prize is a one way ticket trip to Afghanistan for one person only to celebrate the countdown there complete w/ fireworks! ☺★”

“Lahat ng mga sumagot ay magkakaroon ng Laffline Gift Certicate 5,OOO pesos worth of Iced Tea Consumable in One Night Only! ☺”

“Pag di naubos ng isang upuan 5thou na iced tea, bayaran nyo. Pwede manood ng libre ng nakapiring. Ang mahalaga maririnog mo ang mga patawa.☺”

“Last question: sino ang may hawak ng Guiness record sa pinakamaraming butas sa isang tinginan lang: Golf Ball, Skyflakes o My face? LOL! ☺”

“Walang nakasagot ng tama sa last question! Last year ako pero naagaw ng skyflakes kasi isang lata inilaban nila sa bilangan! LOL!”

“Gagawin ko lahat ng paraan mabawi ko sa Skyflakes ang Guinness World Record for the most number of Loopholes in one look! Kala nyo ha, hmp!☺”

At the end of the crazy tweets, he would say: “Dito na ko sa tahanan ko. Quota na kayo. Wala man akong maibigay na materyal na bagay, puso nyo ang binusog natin ng sayang waang kapantay.☺”

 

FAMILY DAY

On a personal note, from his tweets, he seems to share his home with his “pamangkins” (nephews and nieces). It is also apparent that he is very fond of them, and even attends their school’s Family Day.

“Slept like a baby for 6 hours is a bliss. Prepare muna ng brekky at sasabay sa mga pamangkins ang tito nilang beki. Good Morning ebribadi!☼☺”

“Need to get up as promised kahit saglit lang sa “Family Day’ xmas eklat sa school ng pamangkins. And it’s drizzling, perfect timing!”

“It’s ok. School’s location is 100% devoid of traffic. Nasa loob lang ng village. Sampung split,, limang kembot, tatlong tumbling nandun na!☻”

“Ay, kailangan ko na daw umalis at may inaayos na humps sa daan. So, may dagdag pang benteng cartwheel at pitong metrong pasayaw na moonwalk!”

“Last year, nagmukha akong school mascot ng mga kids dahil sa mga echoserang nanay na papiktyur. Nakakapagod din pala maging jollibee.☻”

SING A SILLY SONG

Chokoleit also sings on his tweets, and modifying the lyrics appropriately suited to his mood for the day:

♬Pasko na naman oh kay tulin ng araw♬ Sweldong nagdaan tila ba kay kulang ngayon ay pasko sanay madagdagan ngayon ay pasko ingat sa kawatan♬

♬no boypren, no problem ♬no money, no honey♬ no hiring, no vacancy ♬ no ID, no entry ♬no shower, no jerjer♬☺☹

♬Whereever you will go…♬I”ll be there ..♬where the boys are…♬gayrls just wanna have fun!♬ ☺

♬david…beckham to me ♬let me put my arms around you this was meant to be ♬ and I’m so glad I found everyday…♬☺

♬and when we go-out dating na kulay ng polo nya’y pula, berde pa ang sapatos niya, asul ang medyas, Ang boypren kong BUDOY…BUDOY♬ ☺❤☺

♬A chair is not a chair when there’s no one sitting there,… And a House is not a home when there’s no Big Brother talking there! ♬

♬Kung gusto nyong lumigaya ang inyong gimik, yayain ang tropa @LafflineManila mamaya pumunta, at halakhakang tunay sa inyo’y ibibigay♬ ☺☻☺☻☺☻

♬Mambo-BALL-la , BOLAdas mo’y tigilan na,.. Mambo-BALL-la pagkat kami TOPACIO’y umay na umay naaaaa woohooo ewwwww yeeeahhhh baby! ♬ ☺☻

Sa sobrang dami ng masasabi kay Chokoleit, may PART 2 , PART 3  at PART 4 pa….Kaloka!!!

Pwede na nga akong gumawa ng nobela sa haba. Sayang naman kung hindi ko ibibida sa inyo.

Pagpasensiyahan nyo na. Minsan lang ito dahil bumagyo ng Bagyong Sendong…

Dapat lang na tumawa naman tayo para kalimutan ang problema.

At higit sa lahat, di po ako binayaran ni Chokoleit para gawin ito…sadyang hanga lang talaga ako sa mga patawa niya…LOL ….hehehe

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: